We must wait in distress.

Today was a fairly nice day. It was sorely needed after such a desperately challenging night. Today was a day where I could feel the prayers of those around me who may have an idea where I am and know how much I may need help although struggling to ask for it. I had no expectations for myself or for my children. We watched many Christmas movies because our time for getting them all in, is becoming short.
This was a pleasant change from this week where we have all been at each others throats. I've come to realize that I am suffering from a burn-out along with my lapse. It has also come to my attention than my kids are also feeling burn-out. I don't think they realize what burn-out is yet, nor do they know why it comes and certainly have no idea how to cope, deal with, or recover from it. Perhaps that's why today was so nice.
Yes.....food, calories, carbs, weight were still on my mind, but I was not driven by or obssesed by it every moment of the day.
[Funny, as I began to write this post, I wondered what the point of it would be......But as I write, I feel directed by the spirit as to what I can learn and gain from it.  Although you may not gain anything from my writing, I appreciate your patience while I am taught.]
I thought that my being burnt-out would be attributed to just finishing finals at school, to keeping up with the demands of a single mom and the obligations and short-comings I feel towards my kiddos. However, as I write, the possibility of my lapse causing my burn-out makes a little bit more sense. If I were explain, even in simple detail, the fixation my mind has on food, calories, protein grams, carbs, what my scale said this morning,  I believe you may wonder how on earth, someone can be so obsessed with something so menial. I completely agree. However, that is the nature of my beast, and as I write, I feel as though I underestimate the time, effort, energy, and mental fortitude that is affected by my addictive behavior. Of course Ed and his brother Lucifer, will point the finger elsewhere as far as blame is concerned, and will work so cunningly so as to go unnoticed for as long as possible, until you find yourself caught yet once again.
So a lapse being the foundational cause for being burnt-out does make sense. Now what to do about it?? Of course the simple answer is to just knock it off, to get back up and dust myself off and get back on track. So many times, I think of how nice it would be to not know how many calories or carbs a particular food is. It would be great if my mind didn't just automatically add up my intake for the day. That's probably not the point. The point is to learn coping techniques, patience, reach out for help, to learn empathy and compassion.
Earlier this week, during another emotionally challenging and crushing evening, I was looking for light and answers. I went to LDS.org and under the search, I simply typed in "purpose in pain." The first address that caught my attention was from the April 2011 General Conference talk by Kent F. Richards, entitled "The Atonement Covers All Pain." Let me share the part that pricked my heart, helping me to hold on.

President Henry B. Eyring taught: “It will comfort us when we must wait in distress for the Savior’s promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help us. … And faith in that power will give us patience as we pray and work and wait for help. He could have known how to succor us simply by revelation, but He chose to learn by His own personal experience.”

The reason why that helped, was because it sounded like President Eyring understood what it meant to "wait in distress." Does that take away the burden or my emotional pain? No, certainly not. But somehow knowing that someone else understands is validating just enough to help me get grounded.