Self assured body image & a childs best.

I always tell myself that I'm going to write more. I feel the need or the pull to write more. I feel as though it could be very beneficial. I have no doubt that Heavenly Father would and could teach me so much with the spirit as I write. (Can anyone else relate!?!) My reluctance in writing comes from the shame attached to what my struggle is. Perhaps more than that is the emotional energy that it takes in writing. Emotional energy seems to be a commodity in short supply, to be valued and protected. I'll probably looking for about forever the balance between investing emotional energy for enough benefit of learning by the spirit.....putting off the shame I feel.

That being said.........

I am in shock, amazement, and sometimes impressed how other women see themselves. While I'm out and about with long sleeves (and usually a jacket because I'm trying to hide my disgusting and flabby arms, the size of my stomach and overall shape in general), there are others during the whole year, but especially in the summer who appears to be incredibly comfortable in their own skin and have no problem showing it. I DO NOT want any body shaming and I really hope this doesn't come across as sarcastic because I truly and sincerely am in genuine awe that others are able to do that.

There are many days that I would love to wear any short-sleeve shirt and not feel as though I need to take a Xanax or Ativan to live thru that. Despite it being over 100 degrees, wearing whatever jacket was most handy, (I own a fair amount of jackets) I venture out into the warmish world, doing what I need to get done. My daughter is very quick to pick up on the fact of my frequent jacket wearing and inquires why I do so. I cannot remember the recent reason (or excuse) for doing what I do.

I am becoming increasingly more aware of how my actions and example influence my kiddos. I'm trying very hard to exhibit more 'normal' behavior like eating 3 meals a day, (which is more obvious in the summer while together all day) and having occasional sweets. We bought doughnuts a couple of weeks ago, and bought ice cream a couple of nights ago. It has taken some very concerted thinking effort, and asking a friend to hold me accountable to eat ice cream, hoping to show my kids that it truly is a normal activity to have an occasional treat, especially in the summer. In treatment, our meal plans included having dessert at least 3 times a week.

I also want to share something else I've been learning in the last couple of weeks. I want to preface this by saying that I love my parents and that this is not to be interpreted as speaking ill of them. I believe it to simply be a generational tradition passed down to them and on to me about the degree by which tasks in general are to be accomplished. Although not intentional, perfectionism can be implied, if not taught. The toilet being clean 'enough', and not being able to move on in the day until it is clean 'enough' I know is meant to teach a seemingly good principle. It however, may be taught in a less than stellar way. Does this make sense?

This has been a bit of a conundrum for me lately. How do I teach my kids to do a good job, to do chores, homework, give service to others, music practice with a whole-hearted effort even though they may not be motivated to do so? I don't want them to learn that being flaky is alright nor do I want them to learn that perfection is the only way. So what is one to do? Ask the perfect parent what works best for my kids.....the Father who has know us all the longest. I asked Heavenly Father. I was surprised at the simplicity of his answer and how much it made sense. I share hoping that it might help you as well.

The answer? Hold them to THEIR best. After they complete a task, doing dishes, scrubbing the toilet, completing homework.......stop and ask them and yourself if they have done THEIR best. My kids are not of equal capability to complete tasks. They will not be able look back, knowing that they had to be held to my high standards (aka perfection) as opposed to knowing that they were expected to do THEIR best. After all......realistically, logically.......that is what my Heavenly Father wants from me, despite what I may have been taught, what I may have perceived, or what I expect of myself.

Some of you may have known this already. I'm just learning this and I hope that it may help you as well.

Thank You for sacrificing your time to read what I had to share.