When 20,760 isn't enough......

Let me just start by saying that I previously have learned the theory behind compulsive obsessive disorder or OCD. I've learned that it is a mechanism used to lessen anxiety, a ritualistic behavior that may help one feel in control. I remember in treatment, how many others had OCD as a co-diagnosis.......that they would hold groups for those with OCD. I did not attend those groups because they did not pertain to me.

Now lets fast forward 2+ years to today.

I have a widget on my phone that acts as a pedometer, counting my steps as I go about my day. When I first discovered this widget, I thought if it as nothing more than something fun to look at, kinda like scrolling thru my Facebook page. I tried it out for a little bit, and eventually found it to be fairly accurate in its data collection.
I'm all for goals. So when this amazing feature of technology told me that I should try to get 10,000 steps every day, I didn't argue. At first, I didn't do so great with it. However, as time has gone on, getting those 10,000 steps everyday became more of a priority. Even going out to get my 'mileage' in after the kids had gone to bed and the sun had long since set. In the last couple of weeks, the compulsion to get as many steps in as possible has elevated into its own kind of demon. It wasn't very long ago that I was walking as much and as fast as I could before the clock changed to midnight, which would move the pedometer back to zero. Before I knew it, that's exactly what had happened. I looked to find that I had only accomplished a mere 9,637 steps. To say that I was disappointed, would be an understatement. I'm sure the fit I threw may have resembled that of a 3 year old who didn't get what they wanted.
I have heard in recovery circles, the idea of excessive exercise. I have questioned what that may have meant because how can you have too much exercise, how can you ever have too much of something so healthy?

Tonight, I have the answer. It becomes impeding when a substance, a behavior, a routine, a mechanism of control becomes its own addiction. I have become addicted to my 'mileage.' I cannot go to bed without getting it in. I cannot even consider giving it up. I know that I take more steps than what the widget on the smart phone may say.......after all, I'm still on the move while the phone is charging up. The compulsion comes in when the number on my widget, trumps anything else. When it takes precedence over time with my kids or taking care of any other essential and needful things, I am slowly beginning to be able to realized that there might be something to be said about the old adage. "Moderation in All things!!
Tonight, I went to go get my mileage in. when I began, my pedometer read 6,832. I heard the voice that told me that this would be quick and painless. But as I continued to do my laps, I felt that compulsion to keep going. Just one more lap, just one more lap.......Isn't that interesting how the adversary works. Just a little more.....just a little more. It reminds me of some scriptures:

From :
Alma 37:6
Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

I remember being taught that that scripture was about the good, uplifting, positive things like all of the typical Sunday school answers. I am finding it to be true about the good and the bad.

I continued on in doing my laps and found myself pleading with Father above to help me not go all night. I was able to call it done after 2,0760 steps.
Even with this new record, I still do not feel as though I've done enough.

Does anyone have any tips about getting past the compulsions?
What have you found to be most effective?


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