The Recovery Position: A semi-traditional (for me) Christian Christmas party...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A semi-traditional (for me) Christian Christmas party...

I went to my church's Christmas party last night. It was akward. It was a dinner and you were to show up in formal dress....formal meaning, white shirts and ties for men and boys, dresses or skirts for women and girls. My depression was faily apparent and my emotional fortitude was waining, but the fact that we still went should say something about us. I certianly don't feel as though I belong there with that group of people like I have felt with them previously.....perhaps it is because of my own actions that I have ostercised myself from them. I have not told one single person in my congregation that I am going to rehab. I'm not sure that I will...

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My name is Imperfection.....

About me: I am the single mom of three energetic kids. I tell myself that I am doing the best, where I am, with what I have....although I struggle to even believe that. I have an ED, an eating disorder, been diagnosed with atelophobia (the fear of imperfection), and alexithymia (the sub-clinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self). I am working (present tense) on figuring out how the Atonement applies to me, working on being obedient to the nudges I get from the Spirit to share my story and experiences in hopes that from sharing perspective, we may all grow together in our testimonies and our knowledge of being in the recovery position.

The Principle of ED.....

ED is an acronym used for the term 'Eating Disorders.' It is also a name given to the relentless voice inside that says I need to run faster, jump higher, climb more, be thinner, that the numbers should be smaller (on the scale and on that tag that labels my jeans)....the voice that encourages the lie that there is no 'Good Enough.' He is what pushes the need to restrict and purge. I have given ED his own personality traits in an effort to separate that thought process as separate from mine. I joke with my therapist that Satan and ED are brothers, although there may be more truth to that than I know.

The Premise behind "The Recovery Position"

"The Recovery Position" is typically a term refered to in the medical field for a position someone is put into after a tramatic physical event. It is encouraged that one be laid on their left side, their arms close beside them with the right knee bent so as to be towards the chest.

It is meant for the person to be in a position for healing, for self-preservation, for recovery...

This blog is an outlet from one who is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (The Mormons) and has been an addict of sorts, with the belief that we are all addicted to something. Alcohol, drugs (medication or recreational), pornography, sexual addiction, gambling, gaming, time online, shopping/overspending may be just a few examples that may cry for a time of sobriety. While abstinence from these addictions may define sobriety, my addictive behavior is overcome by partaking. I have an eating disorder.