Acting Opposite

During the holidays and working nights as a nurse, it becomes challenging to meet with my therapist. In turn, I email him. The idea is to do it daily.....points of positivity. He also accepts gratitudes as well because sometimes I am unable to separate them.

Prolouge:
My mother and I have a strained and in turn superficial relationship. It makes family interaction (especially during the holidays) challenging.
The reference from The Arena comes from Brene Brown's book 'Daring Greatly'

So my accomplishments from yesterday: 

I went with my mom to her doctors appointment. She believes her cardio ablation has failed in efficacy because of the return of palpitations.

(I'm sure you understand me doing anything like this is a MAJOR acting opposite event..... as was going out to brunch with her afterwards.) 

Father in his infinite mercy & TLC blessed me with a different set of ears & eyes while I was with her.  

While at the doctors office she stepped on the scale & overly complained about her weight which is comparable to mine. The symptoms she described, I would have defined as anxiety. She's was admittedly grossly noncompliant with her beta-blockers. She was obsessive about the carb/calorie count of what we ate. It dawned on me how insecure she truly is. 

I could feel Father smiling down as he showed me that she is just as broken as I am (if not more so)..... that her self denial & condescending perspective impedes her progress. It is my acceptance, my stubborn (begrudging) willingness (😄 LOL) to do what it takes, that will break this cycle between generations. Me emotion coaching my kids will help them be healthier. I need not give too much credence to those who are not in the arena or whose thinking is just as disordered or more so than mine. 

Now knowing that I only slept about 2.5 hours & have been up since 2:30am, you must realize that last paragraph did not come from me.

I have only endured this seemingly endless night THNX to Nathan Pacheco & this song on my phone that had played on a repeated loop since about 3am. 

https://youtu.be/6nJ0PZt05H4

I hope you have a fantastic day

Me

Citizenship in a Republic AKA The Man in the Arena

In her book Daring Greatly, Brene Brown cites a speech given by President Theodore Roosevelt. President Roosevelt gave a speech in Paris in April of 1910. The title of this speech was known as Citizenship in a Republic. Over time, it has more commonly become known as The Man in the Arena. May I suggest that on occasion, perhaps at the beginning of a new year, we take pause to reflect upon which we are. Are we on the sidelines or are we fighting? I would also encourage that we not give time or mental space to those whose thinking is just as disordered (or more so) than our own.

It is not the critic who counts;

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,

or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;

who strives valiantly; who errs,

who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;

but who does actually strive to do the deeds;

who knows great enthusiasms,

the great devotions;

who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

and who at the worst,

if he fails,

at least fails while daring greatly,

so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Anyhow:

During the holidays and working nights as a nurse, it becomes challenging to meet with my therapist. In turn, I email him. The idea is to do it daily.....points of positivity. He also accepts gratitudes as well because sometimes I am unable to separate them. 

So my smart watch says that I slept from 11:45PM to 1:35AM......that's it. More or less, that's how it's been all week.  I last worked Monday night. And it's not because my mind is racing, cuz it's not. It's rather blank. 

Any insights? What should I review to get some sleep!?! 

**UGH**

Anyhow: 

Homework: 

1)I'm thankful I didn't have to go anywhere yesterday......I could just stay home.

2)I'm thankful the kids liked what I made for dinner...... that & there was a decrease of fighting between them. 

3)Although it was an anniversary of a very bad incident (that we've done BIRRT for) it was not sad or depressing, but rather.... there was a somber peace about remembering & being grateful to those who helped us that night. 

Thnx 

Me

Homework

During the holidays and working nights as a nurse, it becomes challenging to meet with my therapist. In turn, I email him. The idea is to do it daily.....points of positivity. He also accepts gratitudes as well because sometimes I am unable to separate them. 

My apologies in missing a few days. I'm still trying to figure out how to best accommodate for working nights. 

1) I'm grateful for the sleep I do get & doing a little better with getting up & doing things in the hours in the middle of the night when I'm unable to sleep. 

2)This is going to sound petty, but I got my first FB friend request from a co-worker on Labor & Delivery. It's taken 3 months. That meant so much to me......I can't even explain!!!

3)I went out to lunch today with a friend. Afterwards, I had the urge to purge.... (SO INTENSELY) but I came home and took a nap instead. Hopefully being avoidant isn't all bad. 

4) I'm grateful to have a vehicle with all wheel drive this winter. The payments are overwhelming.... but buying something with a forclosure in my credit has left me in a tough spot. 

Thank You 

Me

Homework 12-1-17

 During the holidays and working nights as a nurse, it becomes challenging to meet with my therapist. In turn, I email him. The idea is to do it daily.....points of positivity. He also accepts gratitudes as well because sometimes I am unable to separate them. 

I must really need this homework assignment today..... cuz I'm struggling to follow thru with it.

1) Even though all of our tempers were really keyed up today,  we seemed to end the day with a little bit of love. 

2) I got out of the house, (which was acting opposite.)

3) I ate fast food breakfast (a fear food) with T after I picked her up from physical therapy before I took her to school. 

Me

PS. This took me 30 minutes.

*sigh*

'I hope you know, I had a hard time.'