Because its been such a time for reflection, I can't help but think of where I've been.....remembering all of the unpleasant milestones that have been hit in March. May I share one.
This last week, three years ago, I had surgery. It was the month after I got home from treatment, but just a couple of days before my birthday. I cannot remember what specifically I was trying to avoid by having surgery just before my birthday, but I know I did it intentionally. It was a surgery that was required because of what I had done by participating in my eating disorder. I can't help but think that there was some shame associated with that decision. I didn't really want to celebrate my birthday, I certainly didn't feel worthy of any sort of celebration.
That was three years ago.....
This year in contrast was noticeably different. After shuffling my peeps onto the school bus, I headed back to bed. (I had half-heartedly joked with them, that I only wanted to sleep for my personal day.) Thankfully Heavenly Father had different plans for me. I was very reluctant at first to follow the 'nudges' he sent, but eventually I did. I ended up having an amazing day.....by far one of the best birthdays in recent memory, if not EVER! ! !
Reflecting back now, I cannot help but wonder what the difference is...I still struggle with depression, anxiety, and honestly do not believe I can accurately gauge where I am in my recovery process. I do not believe that my focus is actively towards recovery.
With that being said as I ask a question for all who take a moment to read this:
How do you measure where you are in your recovery?
How do you measure where you are in progression?
If we are not to compare ourselves with others, those around us, and we use our former selves as our own benchmark, how do we track progress? If we keep getting stuck in the pot holes that we gotten stuck in before, have we not learned? Is there no benefit in the learning curve of what we may have gained from doing this 5,658,235,741 times before???
I've heard it said that the average recovery time for one who struggles with eating disorders is aprox. 5-7 years. I'm not sure what the time frame is for other addiction processes, but I have little doubt that it can easily take just as long if not more so.
Are we slower to learn because of the nature of addictive behavior?
Are we slower to learn because perhaps we have offended the spirit?
Are we slower to learn because of the fall?
Are we slower to learn because of the natural man?
Or perhaps its D) All of the above.
I would REALLY APPRECIATE to have your feedback and perspective on this.
